


Time is a Ticking Clock

by LadyOxymoron



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Episode: s03e15 To the Night Children, Hurt Magnus Bane, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-12-26 01:18:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18272867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyOxymoron/pseuds/LadyOxymoron
Summary: A glimpse into Alec's mind as happiness is found and lost.





	Time is a Ticking Clock

_Tick, tock. Tick, tock. Tick, tock._

The ticking coming from the old timepiece on the mantle is the only sound in the room. It cuts through Alec’s thoughts as he waits for Magnus to join him.

He’s been going through his speech a hundred times over but he can’t help the anxiety that trickles down his spine as Magnus pushes the door open and walks inside the room, looking as beautiful and poised as ever.

Alec brushes Magnus’ apology away, still a little amused and secretly pleased about Magnus’ little display of jealousy. He’s planning to bring it up again at some point, if only to tease Magnus and get to watch him endearingly struggle for words. But not now. Now he needs to address other matters.

He manages to make it through the first part of the speech with no trouble. Magnus is nodding along and Alec knows he understands. He also knows Magnus feels uncomfortable living under the scrutiny of the Shadowhunters and the shadow of relief he can see on Magnus’ face helps assuaging the guilt of having to ask him to leave.

“I understand,” Magnus says and it’s clear that among the relief there’s also a hint of sadness. “I will move out first thing in the morning.”

And Alec doesn’t want Magnus to move out, not if it means he can’t follow.

It takes all the nerve Alec can muster to ask again, the sting of rejection still fresh in his mind and in his heart.

He's aware it may be too soon but he figures so many things have happened that it feels like a lifetime ago. So much has changed in such a short time and if there’s something Magnus’ ordeal has taught him is that they can’t afford to waste precious time denying themselves the pleasure of sharing a place to call home.

He's not proud of the hesitation he can hear in his own voice but he can't help it. He doesn't know how he's going to manage another rejection but he’s got to try. He braces himself for the blow, just in case.

Magnus' face is guarded but Alec can read the tiny nuances in his features by now and he can see the faint surprise betrayed by the slight widening of his eyes. Alec almost dares to believe it’s hope he reads in the depths of Magnus’ eyes.

He waits for an answer, hardly daring to breathe. Somewhere in the room, the clock is still ticking the seconds.

_Tick, tock. Tick, tock. Tick, tock._

And then Magnus smiles and jokes about walk-in closets and Alec can feel hope blossom inside his chest, warm and fluttery. Happiness stretches his own lips into an answering grin and its flavor is rich and inebriating, enough to wash away the residual bitterness of rejection.

"I love you," Magnus says, cupping Alec's cheek. He leans over and Alec's heart skips a beat and then starts again. A rhythmic _thump, thump, thump_ against his ribcage, loose fragments slotting in place like pieces of a puzzle, and everything has never felt so right.

He's about to say it back but the words get stuck in his throat at the sight of the blood trickling down Magnus' nose.

And suddenly, everything is far from right. Magnus is turning away and coughing blood and Alec is sure the gurgling sound it makes as it comes out of Magnus’ mouth is going to haunt him to his grave. Everything seems to move in slow motion as Alec feels his own blood freeze inside of his veins.

He's no stranger to blood but the sight of it running down Magnus' chin is wrong and it  paralyzes Alec with fear, the panic and sheer terror twisting his insides in a vice-like grip a sharp contrast to the happiness he's been tasting just a few moments before.

He reaches out at the same time Magnus collapses, managing to cushion Magnus’ fall to the ground.

Magnus is convulsing and Alec thinks he's saying something but he can't make any of the words out. He can’t hear anything past the ringing in his ears and the sound of his own heart trying to thump its way out of his chest.

Magnus' body stops seizing and Alec's lungs stop working. The godforsaken clock is still ticking the seconds but this time its sound carries an ominous sense of foreboding, every tick whispering Magnus is running out of time, every tock a reminder of how much time Alec is wasting.

_Tick, tock. Tick, tock. Tick, tock._

Oddly enough, the sound is the thing that spurs Alec into motion. He starts to shake Magnus’ body, hands over his chest to make sure his heart is still beating.  

Someone is calling for help but there’s nobody else in the room and Alec realizes he is the one screaming.

"Somebody get help," he repeats, louder, every syllable burning his throat on its way out. "Please."

But Alec knows there’s little to nothing the medics of the Institute can do for Magnus. He manages to take his phone out of the inner pocket of his jacket with his free hand, the other one still over Magnus’ chest, the faint heartbeat against his palm the only proof Magnus is still with him.

Catarina answers at the third ring and Alec cuts right through her greeting in his urgency to ask for her help. He doubts he’s making any sense but she gets the message, judging by the way she curses and tells him to hold on, that she’s on her way.

The phone slips from his fingers as he settles on the floor, cradling Magnus’ head on his lap. He tries not to think about the waver in Catarina’s voice after he explained the situation as best as he could. He repeats to himself that everything is going to be okay, that Magnus is going to open his eyes any minute and crack an appropriate joke to lighten the mood. But Magnus is not moving and Alec has never seen him so still. It’s that unnatural stillness that causes icy tendrils of fear to settle around his lungs until Alec can’t breathe.

He can feel there’s something very wrong with Magnus and the thought squeezes his throat tight and makes his eyes prickle. He’s reminded of a talk he had with Magnus when they were trying to adjust to Magnus’ mortality.

_Time is such a fickle thing, my dear. You’re sure you have all the time in the world but then something happens, and the hourglass is suddenly empty._

The echo of Magnus’ words hits too close to home and Alec squeezes his eyes shut, trying his best to push the thought away and convince himself they’ve still got their lifetime together.

“Magnus,” he whispers, the single word fighting its way through the tighteness of his throat. Magnus’ face is blurry and Alec wipes the tears away with his free hands, wanting, needing to see it clearly. “Stay with me.”

He hears the sounds of running footsteps in the distance but he doesn’t move, unwilling to let go of Magnus, afraid to let go. Magnus means the world to him and the thought of losing him sends a new stab of pain through his heart.

 _No, no, no,_ he thinks. He can’t afford to think like this. He’s not going to lose Magnus. He won’t. Help is coming and they’re going to be okay. They’re going to move in together and Magnus is going to have his goddamned walk-in closet. Alec is gonna make sure of it, even if he’s going to have to build it himself.

“Hold on,” he says, fingers brushing a lock of hair off Magnus’ forehead. “Please, just hold on and stay with me. You’re gonna be okay, you hear me?”

The ticking of the clock is the only answering sound.

_Tick, tock. Tick, tock. Tick, tock._

**Author's Note:**

> I had promised to myself I was done with the angst but here we are, again.  
> Thank you for reading. :)


End file.
